Addressing the Elephant

I rarely write about deeply personal things. Call me introverted or chicken or private or whatever, but the main reason is that these little bits of blathering are posted on the interwebs where they will remain for…ever, and I have the frail hearts of my children to consider as I write.

But, the elephant in the room is roaring, and refuses to be ignored any longer, (it isn’t lost on me that one of the most emotional animals, known for their memory, is the subject of this metaphor) so, bear with me…

image

I am recently divorced. I was married for twenty-two years, and that marriage ended in February. There’s an Alison Krauss song with a line I had to live out to understand:

“When the hour’s getting sour, it won’t save with time.Though we tried, it’s a lie: I can’t keep hanging on.

I’m untying the sinking stone.”

http://youtu.be/qTLoAyFTrK8

Now, released from the weight of each other, the opportunity now exists that it will be possible for my ex and I to find some genuine happiness. Life is not a stagnant thing: we grow and we change; because of how my ex and I grew apart, we became unable to find happiness together, and misery combined is misery compounded. Misery is not a good place in which to raise children.

I have gotten many tender-hearted messages from so many people since my ex made it public that he’s found love again. He has recently remarried and is building a new life for himself. I would like to thank you all for your kind concern and I would also like to wish he and his wife every happiness. Truly, for my part, getting divorced was partially motivated by the need to give the both of us a shot at some sort of joy and some sort of healthy life. I am very happy he’s found someone.

If you’re so inclined, keep my precious children in your prayers. They ride on a whirlwind, like so many children do, and have done so with more strength and grace and flat-out guts than anyone I’ve ever even heard of.

This entry was posted in Elephants, family, honesty, Motherhood, pain and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Addressing the Elephant

  1. That ability to ride out the storm, in my personal belief, is a strength they gained from their mother. May they learn to see the best in all of their parent models and to trust that in this life heroes sometimes learn that walking away is not quitting. It is claiming the next horizon with an open mind and heart.

  2. Leah's Heart says:

    With you.
    Parting company is never easy.
    Your children will grow and benefit as they observe their mother’s stability.
    They are gifted with a stable and practical mother.
    Again
    I am with you.

  3. As always, you have my utmost and undying support. You are a true treasure and a gem, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will find joy and happiness on your journey.

  4. You handle this elephant with your usual grace and clarity. I appreciate that about you.

    I believe you’re aware that I have separated from my wife of 23 years. I don’t pretend to understand what you are going through, but it feel like to me that I have a severed limb from a body I believed once was whole and holy.

    I’ll spare you my sermon on divorce and remarriage (which I imagine you’ve heard from many others in the past) and just assure you that I will keep your children in my prayers. As the child of a divorce myself, the pain I feel is sometimes just as fresh as it was 40 years ago. There is nothing like a blended family to turn all the color in your life to blue.

  5. When we were kids, we knew our parents didn’t like each other. We thought they should divorce, yet they didn’t do so until I was 20. When I asked what took so long, they said it was for our sakes. Maybe that was best; maybe it wasn’t. I only know they found happiness after they got divorced. They should have done it sooner.

    • rodalena says:

      I have a similar story, Alexandra, and I understand what you mean. It’s a hard path for the kids of unhappy marriages regardless of the path the parents take. Each of us must carefully decide which path is best for ourselves.

  6. yewnique says:

    As always, you write with much grace and humility. I will keep you and your children in my thoughts.

  7. Holly says:

    Love you, Rhonda. Praying for your kids and for you. <3

  8. Lyn says:

    Praying for you and your children, Rodalena. I’ve been there and it’s not easy. My kids were 1,3 and 5 when we went our separate ways. My kids grew up stable and happy and have given me 9 grandchildren between them.

  9. Jen Blakemore says:

    I love what a friend said to me, “It is better for a child to say I came from a broken home than I live in a broken home.” I will remember you, your children, and the journey ahead. It wasn’t an easy road at the end of the day nothing can replace the wonderful peaceful feeling.

  10. I know what you are going through. Children learn to cope and are happy if the parents are happy. Unfortunately not every ex wife is as thoughtful as you. I divorced my ex wife and is was a major trauma. But I have found happiness now and and my wife is also my best friend.

  11. There’s such fierce integrity in everything you write. I wish you not sinking stones, but rich and gentle ground in which to grow.

  12. nicolemariex says:

    When I was younger, my parents went through a time when they were not happy with each other or the lives the had built. As a child, I found it hard to understand how two people who committed to each other and promised to love one another for the rest of their lives had decided to walk away from all that they had, and from my brother and I.
    However, I am now older, have experienced a number of things which I had no knowledge of when this was all happening, and have come to both understand and appreciate what my parents did. I realize that it made not only them, but my brother and I better.
    Your children may not understand at the moment, but from experience, they will grow to understand.

    Thank you for sharing this. You are a beautiful writer.

  13. Dana says:

    I so badly want to hug you tightly and enjoy good cup of coffee & a long chat with you, Rhonda…to let you know that you are loved…to pray together that everything will turn out well for all of you. Life is hard, but I still believe that God is good. I’ll believe fervently enough for both of us until you’re convinced again. :) <3

You look like you want to say something. Go right ahead.