Call Center

Hold, please…

thank you for your patience.

We are experiencing extremely high call volume.

Your call will be answered in the order it was received.

All poets are currently busy attending to other broken hearts.

If this is an emergency, please contact

your local jaded bartender,

Anne Sexton’s ghost,

a disillusioned parish priest,

or the first stray dog you can find.

Insert gut-wrenching hold music here.

The Heartbreak Department.Thank you for waiting.

You have reached

The Heartbreak Department.

Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed:

If you would like to complain about love lost, press 1.

If you would like to lament love rejected, press 2.

To whine about love’s poor timing, press 3.

To cry about love’s cruelty, press 4.

For complaints about

men in general,

women in general,

the undecided in general, or

some person specifically,

press 5.

(Note: Line 5 hold times are now measured in geological ages.)

For complaints about love’s frailty, press 6.

For grief counseling due to the death of love, press 7.

For complaints about loneliness, please press 8.

(Please note: No one actually answers line 8.

But, the website should be up and running before the next election.)

If you wish to contact God, she is out right now. She could return tomorrow.

With faith, anything’s possible.

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3 Responses to Call Center

  1. Only our beloved Rodalena could come up with a call center for broken hearts. You will change the entire landscape of country music…

  2. Jennifer Green says:

    Very clever! Loved it!

  3. Yes, I definitely think you should shape this into a country song. It could be a classic.

You look like you want to say something. Go right ahead.