Now that Allyson is older (seventeen…good Lord…), we are enjoying one of the coolest things about raising a teenager: finally showing her all of our favorite films. My daughter looked at me the other day, a bright gleam of revelation in her eyes, and said, “Do you mean to tell me you have been speaking to me almost entirely in movie quotes for, like, my entire life?”
Uh, yeah. Is that bad?
This revelation occurred as we were watching “Braveheart“, the iconic Mel Gibson homage to William Wallace. Now, this is a Bloody Serious Freaking Movie. A film of Historical Significance and Depth. Too bad Mel’s done destroyed his reputation as a Quality Human Being, because Allyson has really no respect for the man, and so she felt free to offer her own comedic color commentary. Her teenage sarcasm peppered our film watching experience with completely inappropriate laughter in all of the Wrong Places. (The following Ally Observations contain spoilers, and will be best enjoyed while watching the film…)
Not ten minutes into the movie: “Mom. This is the exact same movie as ‘The Patriot.’”
Ten minutes later: “Can I just say that I am against kilts?”
After William Wallace “pecks a fight” and gives the nobles the battle orders to divide their forces and flank the English, Allyson grins and adds, “But, first, you! Come here and braid my hair.”
Looking at the Scottish forces, Allyson comments, “I’d be terrified if I was the English: majestic hair, mental health issues, and kilts.”
While watching the Original Big Battle Scene, Ally channels Bon Qui Qui: “I will cut chew!”
After Longshanks tosses Phillip out of the palace window, Allyson chimed in with a gem from The Avengers: “Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?” We could not stop laughing. Her father was now giving us dirty looks: I was a bit nervous we were gonna get kicked out of our own living room.
The movie lumbered on, and soon, we were at the beginning of the Battle of Falkirk. Allyson surveys the beginning of the scene aloud: “Look at this. Men going to fight in skirts and dresses and makeup. With bows in their hair.”
At this point, we are certain she’s ruined The Mood, and that the emotional force of the story has been weakened to a pitifully wet and noodly state, but, then the battle began. She didn’t say another word. As the credits scrolled across the screen, I looked at her sweet silent face, as a solitary tear fell. “That was really good, mom,” she said.
“It was, wasn’t it?”
The stories we love are often the ones that make us cry.